i'm a storm with skin

ive been extra anxious recently and it feels like its coming out of nowhere but i havent been sleeping very much and idk but i think things are improving !! i got my profile started for my study abroad scholarship and im applying for a job at the library which would be PERFECT for me and i did so much homework yesterday it was unbelievable and im working out daily with jessie which feels great and i just feel very Improved and Awake for life 


― Liv & Ingmar (2012)"…and that’s a good lesson to learn in life. Let go.”


― Liv & Ingmar (2012)
"…and that’s a good lesson to learn in life. Let go.

" For you, I’d steal the stars."
A Six Word Poem ( on how you deserve galaxies)

" In my defense, I’ve never met a carnival I could just walk away from. In my defense, I’ll always read your letters. In my defense, I tattooed my wrist to keep it safe."
SaraEve Fermin (from her poem, What You Call One Thing I Call Another” (via wordsdancemag)

missing you more than ever

missing you more than ever

so basically my life goals are to graduate from college, move to california to write for a local liberal paper that enables me to simultaneously travel around the world to participate in fights for equality and social justice

then eventually settle down in a little cottage near a beach with a big garden and lots of animals to write books on my adventures and have children who will grow up to continue my legacy  

i really dont think this is too much to ask for 

" you are crying
and the angels sit
comforting God
telling him to stop
feeling so pained
“where does it hurt?” they ask,
he points to you."
Ijeoma Umebinyuo (via theijeoma)

a poem for my mother 

sometimes i think of how you felt when you were first married

you haven’t told me much about it

just that you were very young

and that he wasn’t very truthful about who he was

and that it was annulled mere weeks after you wed

i think of the innocent honest hope your teenage heart must have held to be convinced that it was just what you wanted 

i think of where it went

i think of you getting your GED and going to college as a seventeen year old

i think of you giving birth to my oldest sister when you were twenty-one 

i imagine your mother helping you with that little tow-headed child while you fought for solid ground beneath your feet

i imagine your second chance

disguised in the guise of faith and humanity, you meet my father as Elder Sax and you never looked back because surely you had found your place now that you found God 

i imagine you sneaking a cola in the laundromat and breathing deep through your nose to drown out the cries of six children and prayers to a God that never seems to want to listen to you

i imagine you closing that chapter of your life for one of helping my father through rehab

teaching the ABC’s to your children and your husband in turn, i imagine your head reeling at the path your life had taken when you were supposed to get the world

and mom, you deserved the world trust me when i say that 

you deserved a husband that loved you and never hurt you and fought for his family

i imagine the way your eyes grew weary and sad as you watched your husband diminish to a bundle of abuse and anger and misplaced memories of wedding dresses and you were promised things would get better but dad let them fall apart 

i imagine your heartbreak for twenty years wasted away in his sieve of a mind and it breaks my heart just as much

i can’t bear to think of your sadness and disappointment because all you ever deserved was happiness and it appears that life had a different plan and it makes me angry

it makes me want to fight

you have a live-wire of a daughter, coiled to lash out at anything and everything the world can present to her because i never had a chance to fight for you

i remember holding you as the police took tyler away again and again and i remember watching your back of willow harden to one of oak as you learned that he may be your’s but his problems were not 

i watched you suffer as limb after limb of your’s were cut off and you cried tears of blood from those bleeding stumps of people and i do my best to breathe and be your open flame child to cauterize you until you can stand again

i try my best mom because i love you so fucking much it scares me and i know one day i won’t have you here to to show me just how how igneous rocks of people are made to battle with fate and win 

sometimes at night i get so scared staring at my dark plaster ceiling and i see each of my mistakes againt you etched in the patterns and my eyes swim as i tally the score of every time i hurt you

i was so angry at you all the time but it was never you it was the injustice of the hand we’d been served and you were the only one i trusted enough to take it out on 

neither of us are perfect we’re each a pile of jenga blocks that were meant to stand but were one wooden rectangle short of making it but i know that together we can rebuild and see the beauty in the cracks of our skin

you made your mistakes mom but never once did you do them to hurt us every one of your thoughts revolved around keeping us safe and happy 

i think of double shifts at your third job as a waitress and the notes you’d leave early in the morning for me after you had left to drive up to the prison for visiting hours every saturday for a man that will never find another person like you and doesn’t deserve to if he was stupid enough to let you go 

see, that’s where we’re so similar, mom

we’ll both do anything for the people we love

and i’m the sharper version of you

molded from the same clay but fired in the kiln for a little too long dropped on the ground and my edges sharp as a knife

i hope some day i find the river you were flooded in and have those same waters smooth my corners out until i resemble the beach glass you’ve become 

because there’s nothing more beautiful than holding your cerulean transparent figure in my fingers up to the window and watching the sun shine through and make your colors dance on the walls

you’re the underappreciated artwork that the world would go mad for if it would just look a little longer

people see the single mom doing her daily grind to make it but i see mary with her head bowed over her bleeding son on the cross refusing to cry because her love for her children is stronger than her fear

when i was little, i thought there were monsters under the bed and i would sleep with you every night

and you’d put me in the middle of the bed and take the side for yourself so i wouldn’t be afraid of getting grabbed

and i would cry myself to sleep each time because i knew that i was sacrificing you for myself to the creature waiting beneath us and i felt so guilty but you wouldn’t ever let me take your spot 

and to this day you give me the middle to keep me whole no matter what waits for us in the shadows 

and i still cry

and you stay steadfast like a rock in the stream and i know that you’ll never let me drown, even it if means putting your own head beneath the waters 

and i love you so much

and i’m so sorry

and i hope that the world can see you for the stain glass window that you are

full of broken pieces that shine so damn beautifully when the sun hits it 


September 16, 2014

I’ve always had problems of letting people go. Even if they fill me with poison. 

But it is better to have a few people, who will let you grow, in your life than to have people who rot your insides. 

please dont delete the source/caption thanks xx